When You Do Not Know Where to Begin

By MingCherng Chiang

Are you thinking about counselling but do not know what to do or say? Perhaps there is too much to tell, and you are unsure which part matters. Perhaps all you can say is, “I have been finding things harder lately, and I do not know why.”

That is enough to begin.

When I meet someone for the first time, I usually ask, “What brings you here today?” If you are unsure how to answer, I invite you to tell your story however you want to. You might begin with something that happened yesterday, a concern you have carried for years, or the moment you thought it might help to talk to someone. You can take your time and share what you feel ready to share.

I think of counselling as looking at a map together. The first thing we want to understand is where you are. As you tell your story, we can begin to make sense of what is happening in your life, what feels difficult, and what matters to you. There may be several concerns, and it can take time to see how they fit together.

Sometimes, part of what we discover has to do with how you see yourself. Imagine making a mistake at work. You may be worried about what needs to be put right. You may also find yourself thinking, “I am letting everyone down.” If that thought feels familiar, it may help us understand why the mistake has weighed on you. What it means to you is something we can explore together.

A map also helps us think about where you would like to go. You might have a clear hope, such as being able to speak up in meetings. Or you might begin with something simpler, like wanting to leave work without replaying the whole day in your head. As we talk, you may discover that what you most want is to trust your own judgement when something goes wrong. It is all right for your sense of direction to change as you understand more about where you are.

From there, we can consider what might help you move towards what matters to you. Sometimes the next step becomes clear early on. Sometimes we spend more time understanding what has been getting in the way and what support you might need along the way.

If you are considering counselling, you are welcome to get in touch. Even if the first thing you say is, “I do not know where to begin,” we can start there.